Early Signs

People often ask about my origin story: When did I become a Dominatrix? How did I come to enjoy wielding power over men?

Growing up, the narrative of sex was a hetero hookup: he’d touch her breasts and then she’d give him a handjob or blowjob. A woman’s pleasure was rarely explored. Even fondling her breasts was seen as an activity for his fumbling enjoyment. The message was clear: sexual gratification is for him. Leaving a guy with “blue balls” earned you the label “cock tease”. There was tremendous social pressure to satisfy a man, but a young woman enjoying her body was “slutty”.

I heard the stories from my friends, and my teenage brain could not comprehend why sexual interactions were so imbalanced. We were being taught that men had all the power: they selected their hookup partners, decided on activities, the focus was their pleasure, their way. The woman’s sexual performance was judged and discussed among peers; her reputation grew from that.

I knew then, as I do now, that I was never going to participate in that culture of inequity. And so I rejected the dominant gendered power dynamic. I refused to devalue my feminine sexual energy. I was going to correct the orgasm gap, one hookup at a time. 

And that’s what I did: I seduced young men for my own amusement; with the specific intention of having them pleasure me. At the top of my list were those who I heard the most egregious stories about. The head-pushers. The sexual bullies. The manipulators. The ones who would call young women “whores”  for giving them head. They were going to get a taste of their own medicine.

I always had my pick of guys who were excited to hook up and by the time I gained a reputation for getting without giving, I had assembled a cadre of guys who were thrilled to service me without any reciprocation. I loved how they worshipped me. I learned how to receive pleasure in delicious ways. And I gained a taste for the power I held in those singular interactions, in turning guys into givers. So I expanded my reach to guys in other schools where I didn’t have a reputation.

In college, I had a whole new playground and I continued my assault on the orgasm imbalance. I was still learning my body and it wasn’t about my release, it was about being serviced, worshipped, pleasured. Later, when I would masturbate fantasizing about my experiences, I could reflect on how powerful I felt. All alone, I was able to explore my enjoyment of the power exchange I experienced, of the dominance I felt and the satisfaction that gave me.

My personal social experiment started out as a way to prove a point, to right a wrong. It turned out that I got off on the power I felt in these interactions. As an adult, I am completely upfront about my predilection for being serviced. My lovers are submissive to me and get off on my pleasure, they have no expectation of reciprocation.

I know my teenage self would be proud of my efforts to narrow the orgasm gap, and wouldn't be surprised to learn that I am now a Dominatrix.